17th Swing [Video]

[deadalready]

[Cato stares at the journal for a good ten seconds, unblinking and tired - either trying to collect his thoughts or just...spacing out. Either way, he comes back to it blinking and takes a fortifying breath.]

There are people here who've been in wars right?

[He doesn't think the Games count as a war, but he feels like battle is sort of a unifying point between soldiers and Tributes. When it comes down to it, they're both trying to kill people right? That's his understanding of it, and it's the only reason he's asking this question in the first place. There are no Tributes he can talk to about this. Not really. Clove and him well...they don't talk. Not that much. And Katniss...well he isn't even gonna think about talking to her. A little bitter still about coming close to being a Victor? Possibly.]

I don't know what you'd call them. But this last draft...

[Cato's lips seal into a thin line and he looks away from the journal. Composing himself? Trying to figure out how to word things? Who knows.]

How do you ... 'deal' with that? Going back?

It feels like it's been forever since the last time. Sure there were other drafts, but ... I've come close to getting killed again here a lot, but it's never happened.

[He - like a lot of people - had never experienced death like that. The sensation of being watched so strong that he felt like he was going to be sick. Except he was dead.

Yeah that's still throwing him for a loop.]

I guess that's what made it stick out in my head. I don't really remember what I did the first few weeks I was here but it wasn't... good. For me.

[Cato is different from the angry, confused, bloodthirsty kid who found himself in a field without dogs swarming over him. A little less angry, still just as confused and the urge to fight and kill has subsided enough to where he doesn't feel like it's the best solution for any and everything. He's gotten better at being a person but this...has clearly shaken him up.]

I'm trying to figure out how to reconcile that. I guess.

Comments

action:

[deadalready]

[Cato jerks in his seat as she speaks, almost making to close his journal when he hears her but this isn't anything she wouldn't have seen or would see and...yeah it's too late for that anyway. He's just been developing the habit.

He pauses, considering his answer. On the one hand it was so nice just being able to do what he was good at again. On the other, dying had colored the entire draft in a bad light for Cato. And he didn't think Clove would ever really understand that.]

I don't know.

[Cato shrugs, because he can't lie to her when they're talking about this kind of stuff.]

Being able to fight again...actually fight... [He smiles, a sort of dreamy look on his face as he sighs. It's like he's talking about his first love or Clovesomething.]

But that... something wrong happened before you were there.

action:

[shenevermisses]

[Being able to actually fight. Feeling her blood pounding in her chest, hearing it in her ears. Every moment that of being alive, of living for the kill. She's missed it.

And she's missed them.

This peace? Is all well and good. It's let them return to their Academy ways. Teasing and flirting and getting to know each other as people.

But it's not them.

They are vicious and violent and bloody.

But something happened that she can't even pretend to understand. Or try to understand.]

That's what I've heard.

action:

[deadalready]

I know.

[Cato heaves a heavy breath through his nose, because they'd been over this what feels like a thousand times - even if he knows that isn't the case.]

I still don't --

[No. No he isn't talking about it. Not again and not with Clove.]

Nevermind. I don't wanna talk about it.

action:

[shenevermisses]

[She looks at him for a few moments, considers it, then nods.

There's plenty they don't talk about.

They don't talk about Thresh. They don't talk about her death. They don't talk about his death. They don't talk about Katniss's death. They don't talk about the refugees.

They don't talk about this.]

Okay.

We won't talk about it.

action:

[deadalready]

Good.

[He breaths a sigh of relief as he says it. It's easier to do things like this.]

Do you wanna go do something?

[Anything at all to take his mind off of it.]

action:

[shenevermisses]

[She approaches him, slipping behind the couch and running her fingers through his hair. It's starting to get long, hasn't been cut as short as he kept it in the Academy.

It's different... and she's not sure whether she likes it or wants it to go back to how it used to be. Just like the rest of all this.]

We could go swimming. The lake should be warm enough now.