deadalready: (one temporary escape)
[The page on the journal opens with a heavy, frustrated sigh. It seems like all he's been doing lately is fighting with Clove, not talking to Clove, keeping what he's doing every day a secret from Clove... it's exhausting.

Cato has thrown himself into trying to build something he has no idea how to ever since the draft ended. Clove has tried to talk to him about it, what happened and what they understand of it - but not being together when...

everyone died. And it seems like Clove is never really going to accept that it happened - she'll acknowledge what he and everyone else experienced - but not they died.

But he knows they died. And won't see it any other way.

It's been causing some friction. Enough, apparently, for him to go to the journals.]


Being married shouldn't be so...weird.

Okay, wait that didn't come out right. It's not weird it's just...

Sure you fight and get mad at each other - I'm not stupid. But...does getting married really change things that much? I've --

I've never hated her. But lately it's just been so...

[Lonely?

Empty?

Hard?

Fake?]


Maybe I should stop keeping the house thing a secret from her. She keeps getting suspicious when I tell her we have something else to do every time she wants to go the lake and I'm pretty sure she knows I'm lying since I suck at it.

Just...How do you know if getting married was the right thing to do? I mean, we did it because we're here. And alive. Because we could.

Is that any different from what people who weren't...basically stuck here would do? "I want to get married so let's get married!"

[His impression of a proposal is seriously off by a couple hundred yards.]

Or should we have waited? Does it even matter? I mean, maybe we were just supposed to... stay friends or - I don't fucking know.

I love her. I do.

But if I'm wondering whether we should be married or not...doesn't that answer my question already?

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Cato

August 2023

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